To the stars – away from the common sense!

This is without exception one of the dumbest films I have ever sat through. Or perhaps it’s a masterpiece and I’m too dumb to understand it? Anyway …..

Here are some of the things (the list is not exhaustive) that I could not get my head around.

There is a catastrophic failure in most of the crops of the world. And the entire scientific community simply shrugs and says, ‘Oh well. Dem’s the breaks’ and does nothing. Seriously? Apart from that one dude in the ‘super secret’ NASA compound? Okay then.

A super intelligent, super advanced alien civilization has been watching us. They see that the planet is in peril. That more than six thousand million people will die from starvation. So they offer a solution. Not by curing the blight mind. No, that would be far too easy.

They construct a wormhole (they being five dimensional creatures ‘n’ all) close to Saturn (‘cos Kubrick had already used Jupiter in 2001). The film makes a big deal about corn being the only viable crop still resisting the blight (cornmash beer anybody) but it’s only a matter of time before that too succumbs. So It’s a matter of great urgency that the astro-heroes get to the ol’ wormhole as quickly as possible.

So the far side of the Moon would be a handy place to put it.

No, no, noooo.

They place the wormhole beside Saturn. So distant from Earth that it takes two years just to fly there.

And all the while any poor kids unfortunate enough to be called Dusty are getting the crap beaten out of them at Pharming College. Anybody for cornflakes?

Now NASA have already explored the wormhole. They know that it opens into another galaxy, beside a black hole and an assortment of potential new worlds. Because of the proximity of the planets to the black hole, time will be distorted and a couple of hours exploring these new worlds will translate to decades back on Earth. While back on ol’ Planet earth the corn crops fail and the dust storms gather pace. So this was the plan?

By the super intelligent aliens? Is someone taking the p*ss? There were no planets anywhere that were … um … NOT right beside a black hole? Super intelligent? Doh!

And so finally, after a number of silly subplots, our hero finally descends onto the event horizon of the black hole (My God! It’s full of stars?). And experiences time as a physical construct. But is he shown the origin of the blight that is wiping out the planet so that he might alert the scientific community? Hell no. He is shown his daughter’s bedroom on the day that he left on his ‘weekend getaway.’ We see him getting really upset that his daughter isn’t picking up on his STAY …… STAY! gravity assisted message, even though he should remember that she shouted STAY …. STAY! to him on that day, and he left anyway. Sheesh!

And Zimmer’s soundtrack? I hadn’t heard about the soundtrack request came to him via email, without him ever seeing the movie. Explains a lot really. Presumably the email went something like ‘If you produce anything orchestral like Kubrick, you’re off the project.’ So the soundtrack consisted almost entirely of ponderous bass heavy synth driven (in the cinema where I watched it) piercingly loud quasi classical discordance. Bear in mind that Kubrick chose the pieces by Strauss, etc., to assist him in editing the movie,and then realised that they actually fit perfectly, and so discarded the original soundtrack that he had commissioned.

Not Nolan.

NoSirreeBob! Email it in, Hans.

Who listens to the music anyway? Deeply, deeply disappointing.

And I loved Inception!

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