JJ does it again (and not in the good way)

You’ll notice that SW7 only has a “based on characters” credit for George Lucas. That’s because Disney decided to make it “for the fans” — that is, a movie pieced together out of a sort of “greatest hits” of the other 6 movies, with nothing new whatsoever. We are, they suppose, not smart enough to absorb new plot devices, and will be perfectly happy to give them money to show us the old stuff over again. And based on box-office revenues they appear to be right.

So we get a search for ‘the last jedi’ (like when we were looking for Obi-Wan all those years ago) to return to the fight against tyranny, but along the way, an orphan on a desert world (like Luke Skywalker) will come into possession of a robot with information crucial to the rebellion (like R2D2), leading to an attack on a powerful planet-killer (like the Death Star), to be supported by an attack on a nearby world (like the moon of Endor, mercifully without ewoks). Then an all-in-black villain (like Darth) will be faced down by a new jedi (like Luke – – except this one can defeat a jedi master after beginning the fight not even able to activate her lightsaber), and a father and son will face off on a long bridge and one of them will fall off it (like, well, you know.) Harrison Ford appears, and doesn’t even seem to even be enjoying himself — just saying what’s on the page and trying to put the whole experience behind him. (And given the awful stuff on the page, its understandable.)

Meanwhile, storm troopers are appearing and disappearing as necessary, still can’t shoot, their armor still doesn’t to a bit of good. Just like… you get the idea. Oh yeah, and there’s a bar with an alien band. Gosh, that’s new.

So, what do we have instead of new ideas? Lots and lots of explosions. And I mean a LOT of explosions. And x-wing fighters and tie fighters swooshing by in entirely incomprehensible combat. And more explosions. And shouting, and talking about… something — mostly, I think, to give the effects guys time to reload their explosives. Did I mention the explosions?

You don’t need to see this movie. You can watch “the middle three” again, and you’ll have the exact same plot. Don’t see it — it’s a waste of your time (it certainly was a waste of mine.)

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