Calling it “Style-over-substance” would be a HUGE overstatement, for it’s pretentious and horrid in many ways

I hate this movie a lot. I have been going on about it for a while, so I think it’s time to take my anger out by making a review. I think I may have offended some people, and I apologize.

So, here it goes: “Kill Bill” is a very bad movie. I assume that Quentin Tarintino immediately drew in fans with “Pulp Fiction,” because of its wit and it was high on the “cool” factor. I saw some of it, and I will say that it was impressive. But, it looks like Tartintino became lazy by making this and co-directing the crappy “Sin City.”

The storyline of “Kill Bill” is about its name. Bill attacked a woman who we know as “The Bride.” Her name is censored when mentioned. Now, “The Bride” wants revenge on Bill, and members of a gang called “The Deadly Viper Assassin Squad.” So, she goes out and finds them and attacks them. The story ends there and it does? well, sort of.

The story is something that was thought up in a few minutes. The Bride wants to kill people, and she does. As simple as that. “Kill Bill Volume One” really is just shallow characters killing each other. First, she battles some woman. I have no clue what her name is though. Then, we find some history of The Bride. After, we find that The Bride was somehow knocked out. I forgot why. When she wakes up, we experience more brutal torture of people. Then, she gets a sword and kills lots of other people. The End.

I find this very similar to “Sin City.” It’s a gory, shallow and pretentious action film that was made to show off a visual style and action scenes. The only real difference is that “Sin City” had something close to a storyline. This one didn’t.

Supposedly, this is Tarintino’s homage to martial-arts films. So, that makes it a masterpiece? That makes it get onto the Top 250 Movies? Is that why it’s rated so highly? It has plenty of references to other martial-arts films. For example, Uma Thurman wears a suit that looks similar to the suit worn by Bruce Lee in one of his previous films.

Well, “The Ring” has loads of homages to horror films, including “Rosemary’s Baby,” “Silence of the Lambs,” and “Poltergeist.” Where’s that on the Top 250 movies? Well, the homages seem as a cover-up for the story’s’ weakness. Why does a bodyguard fight in a skirt? I know people get attacked in a number of outfits, but since when does a bodyguard decide to fight in a schoolgirl outfit? The anime scene is near pointless, and doesn’t even look like anime! It looks more like an attempt at drawing realistically, and ends up looking pretty ugly.

Maybe it’s because of the action. Well, there are only about two or three fight scenes, and they are only a bit exciting. There are plenty of other movies, which have better action. For example, “Ultraviolet” (Another bad movie) had more action than “Kill Bill” and a number of good fight scenes with good camera angles that gave it some flair. If that had homages to other films, would that be on the Top 250? I must say, even the action in “The Karate Kid” seemed to have a certain wit to it.

All the action in “Kill Bill” is meaningless. It is meant to entertain. But, with loads of blood, what fun could it be? Its fun to watch The Bride slash her way through people, but after severed limbs appear, it loses it’s fun. The violence in “Saving Private Ryan” and (I think) the violence in “The Wild Bunch” had purpose. But this, like “Sin City,” is just sick, cruel violence.

With that, there are PLENTY of movies with good action such as “Terminator 2: Judgment Day,” “Princess Monoke,” “House of Flying Daggers” and “The Quick and the Dead.” All of these had better storyline that “Kill Bill”, even if “The Quick and the Dead” seemed a little weak in that department.

Backing up to horror films, I see that this film plays out like a mix of “Scream” and “Hellraiser: Bloodline.” One person repeatedly tortures victims (like Pinhead) with a blade. (Like “Scream”) Sadly, it’s not as thrilling as “Scream.” It’s as thrilling as “Hellraiser: Bloodline.” The characters are thin. I’m not talking about thin, as in skinny, but lacking detail. Sure, “The Bride” gives a bit of inside info on them (The “inside info” is showing the character killing somebody else.) but the characters usually die after that.

The action seems too unrealistic. Our main character kills plenty of people, but how? She jumps in the air and lands on her sword (It’s stuck into the stairs.) but how does she do that? There are some movies with unrealistic action sequences (“House of Flying Daggers,” “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon”) but those take place in ancient China. This takes place in a modern day setting and doesn’t feel like either one of those films.

That’s why I hate the film. I can go on and on, but why should I have to? I suppose I hate it for all these reasons. Maybe the hype killed it. Or, it could be because Dan Grant’s review influenced me to hate it. Either way, I don’t like it.

Yet, there are some good points to this movie. The action can be fun for some. I don’t think torture is necessary though. The music was excellent. I liked the “Bang Bang” and “Twisted Nerve” song. I suppose it does seem interesting at parts, like when it turns into anime (even if the scene seemed pointless) or black-and-white. (But, this was already used in MANY other movies.)

But, it still stinks. To me, this is about as bad as “Ultraviolet”; it’s shallow and uses style to cover up its crappiness.

2/10

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