Once upon a time there was a director by the name of James. He brought us wonderfully, thrilling science-fiction such as Terminator and Aliens. These movies were the stuff blockbusters were made of and he looked to have a fantastic future ahead of him as the dawn of computer generated special effects landed upon the film industry. Terminator 2 showed gave us glimpses of what was possible in this new era.
…….and then it happened……………….1997……..countless awards……….obscene amounts of money…………outlandish barrage of advertising…………maximum profit margin……..Titanic was here!
I have never (ever) been one to jump on the bandwagon and be overly critical for the sake of it, in fact I have often taken the opposite stance from the majority just to get an argument going. Titanic however was a film I only took one single positive out of – that of Kate Winslett being absolutely gorgeous throughout!
Quickly – the dialogue was like something out of Beverly Hills 90210, the acting was more wooden than my nephew’s tree house, images meant to terrify were actually comical (man falling from ship and hitting propeller), historically false (don’t even get me started because there’s too much), it had dire theme music (up there with the bodyguard for cheese) and the pointless love story was so tedious, self absorbing and pathetic that it disrespected the plight of everyone else involved (I was glad when he died and disappointed when she did not).
It was plainly obvious from the word go that this picture was designed to appeal to MTV watching, bubblegum chewing, boy-with-car chasing, teenage girls (DeCaprio himself resembled something less heroic than the weedy member of a boy band) who would drag their sex-starved boyfriends out for a three and a half hour chick-flick hoping to get lucky later! The worst aspect was that it did not stop at that point. Millions of dumbed down, culture vultures went to see this expensive waste of celluloid because “it cost so much to produce it must be great” and “Steve and Barbara said it was good and they know their movies”.
The crowning glory arrived when Titanic swept the boards at the Academy Awards. King James of Hollywood had a serious moment of silence for the victims of the fatal evening on which his three and a half hour farce was based. It looked to me as if he was praying for forgiveness after making a fortune off inaccurately portraying the circumstances that lead to the death of a lot of people.
However, if people are stupid and sentimental enough to buy into this kind of rubbish they deserve to get ripped off. Good luck to Hollywood if that is how they want to make money, I’d do it if I had those kind of chances in life!
It is right up there on my all time worst movies list with other silly, historically false/human interest tripe like “The Patriot” and “Pearl Harbor”.